Agriculture

Our little farm inside Suburbia...a glimpse!
My Grandma Eva always had these in her garden, up until the last year she lived at her home. I started these from seed this year and plan on always having them in my garden as well!!


Ruby and Pearl are the first to get breakfast and are always hungry, it seems.

Investigating LuLu's squirt gun to see if it's edible...they don't seem to mind getting shot at:)

One of the 7...the rest were a bit camera-shy!

I haven't bought eggs in quite a while!

Our "tomato trees" planted from seed!


Newest additions, Figaro and Panther

The guard

Tidbits

Well, we're about 2.5 months into the waiting process. Not much to report at this point. I've been reading "The Broken Cord" by Michael Dorris, as well as "Adopting The Hurt Child" by Keck and Kupecky. I am, once again, revising our profile book. We ordered a test copy and it was not quite right, some of the pictures were blurry and there was a typo!! So, that is all fixed and we should get all the rest of the copies (19 to be exact) in the next week or so.

I have been working on 2 more grant applications. All we have left is photocopying and then off they go.

We keep being blessed by tokens of love in the form of gift funds and smaller amounts raised through ongoing and one-time fundraisers and it is so encouraging. We're still a ways off from our goal, but it doesn't matter. We know this is all in the Lord's hands. We are willing to wait, if it means months, if it means years.

So for now, the most exciting thing that has happened is a phone call. When she called, I thought it could be it. It wasn't "it", but an interview from a grant foundation that we applied to. She didn't give any indication about the outcome, but said we would hear something more from them soon.

Not sure if this is worth reading, but for those of you who are waiting along with us, I know how hard the silence is. So I thought I would break it, even for mundane details. I enjoy getting any sort of email from my caseworker, just for the moment of not knowing what she's written, and savoring those brief seconds of expectation before they evaporate. So, here's to you, faithful reader. Enjoy it while it lasts!

Thoughts and Prayers

So, we continue in our adoption journey. As I was mentioning to a friend last night, it is the most difficult thing we have ever done. The paperwork, because of our unique set of circumstances, seems unending (I've filled out more applications for various agencies and grants than I care to count). The waiting is harrowing, the disappointments bitter. We knew this would be hard, though. And I've always been drawn to difficulty, it seems. It's part of the reason I'm a runner...the more effort it takes, the more reward you get in the end. But this is different from anything I've and we've ever done, because it's baby humans we're talking about. Baby humans in need of what we so desperately wish to share and give. The minute we got information about the first potential, we let our imaginations and hearts run too far ahead of us, because it seemed perfect, it seemed like it was meant to be. We won't be doing that anymore. It's just too hard and hurts too much.

But we're in it for the long haul, whether it's a few more weeks (miracle status scenario) or in the next year (hopefully??)

Not that this is all negative, to quote Oswald Chambers "The strength is in the strain." I find as we are in the process there are aspects that I feel strenthened and encouraged by. I love researching about adoption issues. I love reading and hearing others' adoption stories. I want to immerse myself in this world, I would love to dedicate my whole life to adopting my own, and then helping other families adopt. I believe that it is one of the most beautiful things in life, because it can bring about so much good, love and miracles. We hope to adopt domestically, from foster care and internationally. We hope to bring many more children into our family through adoption. I hate the process because of the uncertainty of everything. Where will the money come from? When will we know who are baby is? How much longer will we have to wait? But I love it because of what it's leading towards.

Being in this process is fascinating, absorbing and exhausting, especially when we have the realities of life constantly pounding down our door. We keep thinking life will get easier, and it doesn't. We try to figure things out, have a plan. And then we get our legs swept out from under us. I'm sure many of you reading this, if not most, can relate. But I came across this quote, also by Mr. Chambers "The saint is hilarious when he is crushed with difficulties because the thing is so ludicrously impossible to anyone but God." I can think of times in our life when we have faced circumstances so bewildering and so out of our control, that we laugh. Sometimes you just don't know what else to do. And then sometimes you cry. Suddenly the realization hits you that there's no way this works on paper. Even though you're straining, pulling muscles, falling down from fatigue, there's no way! And with wild abandon, you must throw yourself out into the unknown. That's where I feel we are right now. I know we'll land. Where, I do not know. But He who began a good work will be faithful to complete it. He's brought us into this desert for a purpose. And we hold fast to that.

There are some matters that we will be praying about, and if you feel so led, we would appreciate your prayers as well.
1. That our grant and loan applications would be successful
2. That we would know just what we can handle, as far as special needs
3. That the Lord would provide families for the two little boys I mentioned last post, and that if we are one of them, that we would know soon!
4. That the Lord would give us just what we need physically and spiritually

Heard anything yet? We get that question a few times a week. Unfortunately, we have no information of that good, come get this baby type, yet! We continue to pursue different avenues of networking. We have been in contact with and would love to be able to work with an agency that is located in NY that seems like a good fit for us. They subsidize adoption costs, without government funding! Our agency here in MN is most likely not going to be our placing agency, but rather a means of networking with other agencies. The casewokers at GCAA would love to work with more birth moms, but it is relatively new agency and can't afford to advertise. If we could work with this agency out east, it would greatly reduce the cost for us, as well as cut travel time down to a day or two. The wait would be anywhere from 6 months to 2 years, and they only place 20 children a year, so mathematically speaking, it's still a long shot for us. We are trying not to "...wait in spiritual sulks because (we) cannot see an inch in front of (us)" O. Chambers. But we do get discouraged and frustrated. However, we know that God is pushing and prodding and blocking us for a reason, to direct us to a certain course that perhaps we would not choose on our own. And we believe that strength comes when we need it. We already love our baby, and that love buoys us on.

I heard today of a woman who's been waiting 5 years to adopt from China. Kind of puts me in a better, less whiny, frame of mind when I compare my two months to five long years of renewing home studies and getting older. All in good time.

We know there is a red thread attached to our hearts. We can't wait to see where it will lead!

Hugs and Kisses little one!

Update

Hello again! Here's a quick update. After about 3 or 4 weeks we have finally gotten some fresh "situations." Also, the baby from Alabama has found an adoptive family. Blessings to him:)

Here are the stats:
Male, 18 months
Florida
Some vision impairment, some special needs
Foster care, legally free for adoption

Male, 12 months
Florida
Some physical impairments
Foster care, legally free for adoption

Both these boys' case workers will be viewing our home study (not our profile)
Please pray that if one of these is ours that the Lord would show us and prepare us. The special needs of both are unspecified, we are trying to find out more about them. When we first began making plans to adopt, we wanted to do foster adoption, but were told that the age we were seeking was really almost impossible to find!! So it's interesting that God has brought this to our attention. Either way, these little boys have been in foster care way too long, and need to find loving homes. Please pray that they would find their way to forever homes soon!
Also, it would seem that God is telling us we most likely will end up with a boy (that's almost all we've seen come through so far!!) So, YAY!!!

Wild Olive Tees Adoption Fundraiser

Hey Folks!
This will be brief, I just wanted to explain that new button to the right---->
This is a fundraiser for our adoption. Here's how it works. You click on that button that says Help Bring Our Child Home, and it will bring you to the Wild Olive Tees website. You will have a few different T-Shirts to choose from, and when you check out, make sure you enter our family code in the coupon code box CHURCH0715, and a portion of the proceeds from the sale will go to our adoption! They are very stylish t-shirts, and I am going to order one soon! Please let me know if you have any questions!

Gratitude

First off, let me take care of the essentials...I should wait and tack them on at the end, so you read this whole entry, but I realize time is a precious commodity! So here we go...there is really nothing new going on with our adoption in regards to an actual child. We're still waiting to hear a final yes or no, on both situations. We haven't had a drop of information in about a week or more, so sorry, no good or bad news on that front.

What is new, is that our home study is now officially paid off!!! There is a long, boring story about why it has been such a big ordeal...taxes, vans, government shutdowns etc...but we are very grateful to have gotten that burden off of our backs!! Because of this, I will now be able to apply for two more adoption grants and one loan! This will make a total of three grants that we will be praying about. If we just happened to get them ALL we would be done (well, almost) fundraising! I'm really beginning to loathe that word:)

Something else new...I totally re-worked our profile book. I decided I wanted it to be more visually pleasing, but had no idea how to go about "making it pretty" since I am not a "scrapbooker" and most of my photos are in electronic form anyway (I do realize it would take significantly less magic than is possessed by a fairy godmother to transform them into paper but that's beside the point.) Anyway, the problem with making a "photo book" which you can find easily, is that they cost one whole arm to make, and then if you multiply that by 20 (that's how many books we will need!!!) you quickly run out of limbs. I, being the dogged pursuer of all things cheaper, kept searching until I found a website that allows you to only order the pages...cutting the end cost in half! Now, I do not want any of you to tell me that I could have gone to any photo website to do this, I just don't want to hear that, if that is the case, which I'm sure it isn't...

So, the official, paper version of our profile book should be done soon! Whether or not we will actually need it remains to be seen.

While I'm thinking of it, thanks so much for reading these posts, and for your comments! For some reason I can't reply with a comment of my own, but I love getting your feedback. It means a lot!

Ok, now to more gratitude...
I just want to thank God, in writing, for allowing us the privilege to be in the process of adoption. It is exciting, painful, risky and worth it. You become privy to information you wouldn't otherwise get, about children, birth parents, even birth grandparents. It allows us to pray and love these folks in a more vivid, passionate way, because these are real-life events, taking place now! I love being able to make informed petitions before the great throne of Grace. Also, I want to thank those who have sacrificed to further our cause. Some of you have spent hours and hours, even days to help out with raising funds. I will never, ever forget this. It is humbling and it is precious to us and you know who you are (all of you's.) Some of you have sacrificed time in creating, for Small Steps. Thank you, you have done a beautiful job, and I do believe there is a future for Small Steps beyond our adoption!!

And some of you have sacrificed in the form of dollars. The Lord has chosen to use people who are wealthy in love and kindness, not necessarily in a material way, to fuel this adoption, and we are so grateful. Another one of those ways in which God amazes us...I mean, seriously, aren't there enough rich people in the world, couldn't one of them just cover the cost easily in one fell swoop? But God has taken threads, small and large, thick and thin, to weave this tapestry of love. He is still weaving, and taking His time about it, but who are we that we should question our great and merciful Weaver? He alone knows the pattern, and perhaps the most precious and beautiful material is that which was gathered from the smallest store.

I love that God doesn't just take one of us that He's finished with and make photocopies of that one original. He takes the time to whittle away each rough edge, lovingly refining and sometimes replacing, to perfect each human "thrift store find." Taking each imperfect, highly flawed and sometimes contrary find, and transforming them into pure, Christ-like perfection. He adopts us into His family, and then raises us up to be and "look" just like His Son...Jesus. What a great God we serve, for He has not "left us as orphans" (John 13:18.) And let me just quote one more verse, because this really sums up where most of us that are Christ-followers, are "Not that I have already obtained it, or have already become perfect, but I press on in order that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do; forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:12-14.

So, I/we continue to prayerfully run the race, to answer that upward call. Interspersed in this long marathon are many smaller races, one of which is this adoption. It's not easy, practical or predictable. But each day God has given me the strength to pull through a few more miles. With His grace, we will continue to the happy end of adoption, which is new baby Church. May He bless you in your race, wherever you are. "Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle." I am surrounded by warriors. I'm praying for you friends.

And mama is praying for you, baby Church. We miss you, even though we've never met you. We love you more than words can say. XOXOXO to infinity, you precious child.

P.S. Lu is much better this week...eating, speaking and smiling. It's nice to have "her" back!

**Recent News**
We just heard from our case worker that the FL situation is pretty much finished. The birth mom is refusing the make an adoption plan (really, after all this??) but she will not be granted custody of the child, so he could end up in foster care. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense to us, but we have to accept what is.

Disappointment

This is a concept that we don't grasp early on in life. At least, I didn't. Life was exciting, fresh and new! The possibilities were endless and everything was interesting and thrilling. But as the years passed, and the tenderness of youth became hardened by many new experiences, where the build-up to an event didn't always match the event itself. And pretty soon, some things just weren't exciting anymore, because of the expected outcome of disappointment.

You would think that I would take these lessons and apply them to all aspects of adulthood. But, as a hopeful adoptive parent, I can't help but let my heart and imagination soar upon receiving an email saying that a particular agency wants to show our profile to a birth mom. We imagine what it would be like to have that child or children in the family, what all the kids would be like playing together, or smooshed in the back of the car, in their various car seats. The little faces, chubby, dimpled hands, voices...all a sweet dream. And then, in another electronically delivered message, spanning a few words or sentences, that dream is smashed like a bug on a window. And sometimes it takes a bit of "scrubbing" before I can get it off my mind, and off of my heart. No one means to hurt adoptive parents, and what really matters, in any of these situations, is the child and that he or she goes to the right home. However, there is pain, there is disappointment. And often, these feelings unexpressed or inexpressible, as it is so unique to the world of adoptive parents.

This has been a hard week for us. A dear friend was severely injured on Sunday evening. It is so hard to see this family we know and love suffer so immensely. It makes life uncomfortable, for everyone involved. Then, on Monday, my precious little girl suffered her own injury. It's painful, bloody and makes life very awkward and difficult for her. There again, as her mom, I have that uncomfortable feeling...all is not right, not even close, in our world. You know the feeling when you see an open wound? Slightly nauseated, your muscles get tense, and sore. Well, that's how I've felt all week. And I hate to sound like I'm having a pity party for myself, but other strands of difficulty and hardship are woven through what I have just mentioned that make these trials just a bit more difficult to bear. And now today, I have gotten word from my case worker that the FL birth mom has still not decided whether to place or not, but wants to see other family's profiles. We are still not officially out of the running, but this unexpected turn of events, in a situation that has been fraught with the unexpected, shouldn't have surprised me. But it did. Now we add rejection to all the other negative emotions, to land us in a pretty tough place. At this point, a definite no would be better. We're still chasing that dangling carrot, albeit quite a bit slower, and with faint hearts.

We, as humans, organize information is a finite way, meaning we have a limited means of understanding what is happening to us and around us. We can only hold, store and process a certain amount of the vastness that is out there in our world. I most likely will never know or understand all of the purpose behind disappointment. But I don't think it's to render us emotionless, so we never get excited or feel expectant joy! But perhaps, it's to re-direct us to the most exciting, most thrilling and fulfilling event that will ever happen. Revelation 21:4 "He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever." Pain ends, sorrow ends, crying is no more. We will be united with our Heavenly Father forever and He will be everything we needed, wanted and expected Him to be and infinitely more. Those who know Him long for this glorious family reunion!

We hope and pray for better times soon. The Lord is teaching us to rely more fully and joyfully on Him. Apparently, we're not very fast learners. We seem to rocket from one trial to the next, most so personal, no one but us would ever know. We are tempted to question and get bitter. That's when we need to bury ourselves in God. Thinking, reading and learning about who He is erases our need for relief from earthly sorrows, because it makes them seem so temporary, like vapors.

As far as any other prospective situations for us, there is one. A baby boy, due in August in Alabama. We had to cap what we could do as far as placement fee, so they may reject that. We'll see what doors God closes or opens in this matter. If you would, please pray for this baby too. There is risk in this situation medically as well as from a sketchy birth father.

And to my little dream baby out there...Mama sends her love to you!!

"I hear the Savior say 'Thy strength indeed is small
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all.'"

~From the hymn "Jesus Paid It All"