First of all, I've learned that titles bother me...adopted, biological, blah, blah, blah it all feels the same. My son is as dear and precious to me as my daughter, but the process by which he joined our family was different. Thus I learned things along the way that I did not have the chance to learn with my pregnancy with Lu.
So, I've also learned...
~Not to "limit" God and what He will do for you...we never thought that we would be able to find the funds for a $12,000 placement fee...and lo and behold we didn't find the funds for that but for a $20,000 placement fee, which is the better part of what we earn (and live on) in a year! But why am I surprised, that the God who parted the Red Sea and toppled the walls of Jericho could supply us with what we needed to bring our son home.
~In order to experience God to the fullest, you have to make yourself vulnerable, you have to take a risk to know that He will catch you!
~God doesn't work in expected ways.
What we thought would work well for us wasn't what He had in mind. He has blessed with the child we couldn't have dreamed up:)
~Love transcends biology...and you can love someone before you meet them or even know any details about who they are.
~You find out who cares about you when you do something or go through something that is life-changing...it is amazing to see who will give beyond what you might think possible/sensible and how humbled/loved you will feel!
~The Lord sends it when you need it, whether "it" is a nap, caffeine, a friendly phone call, or a baby:)
~God loves Me and, at least in this one circumstance of adoption, I find myself surrounded and empowered by His will. How thrilling it is to know that what I want and what God wants for my life match! Not that I conformed or maneuvered His plan to fit mine, but that somehow, despite my sinfulness and spiritual immaturity (and density sometimes) I still, through His grace, found the path that He wanted for me and my family and see that He is bridging gaps and working miracles to make it possible to continue. AND He is showing me my purpose in life. Mine is not to be a life of ease and luxury, but I wouldn't want it that way. I want to do something difficult, to accomplish something that goes beyond my own existence and positively affects the lives of others, especially those who have harder obstacles to overcome.
~Children are a blessing...no matter where they come from, how much or little melanin they have in their skin, or what their I.Q. or life-potential is.
~Human life is precious...(well, I believed this before, but now I couldn't be more convinced) and it deserves respect and protection in whatever form it takes.
~Children are not an accessory...and they are not here for my own amusement either (even thought most of the time they are very amusing)! Children are an opportunity to love in action, because you give and give, hoping but not requiring anything in return. And the more you give the more you get.
~Caffeine is a necessary evil/good to function on days following nights that seemed like day, except it was dark and you couldn't keep your eyes open while bottle feeding your son who wouldn't sleep afterwards and you keep reminding yourself over and over, I really, really love him, I really, really wanted him, I don't really need sleep, this too shall pass, I will miss him at this age, I'm not falling asleep, I'm not falling asleep, I'm not......................................:)
~That you really don't NEED 8 hours of unbroken sleep...it's all in your mind really, once you get going for the day and stop thinking about the fact that you only got 3.5 hours of sleep, it doesn't bother you!!
~God loves surprises...just the other day we got a reply from a granting agency we applied to 3 months ago...they awarded us $7,000...so we should be able to pay off our adoption loan! This was so unexpected, so out of the blue...it could only be the Lord's hand directing all this and we are learning to just lean back and let Him do the driving!
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
The First Few Days
The days have sort of become a blur...partially because we're so busy, partially because of the fog that sleeplessness creates:) This makes me want to write about our experience, before I forget. I want to always remember the joy and wonder of this time, even if it was spent in Houston...
Surreal
Holding my baby boy for the first time was just that...surreal. Like anything that you wait years for, when you finally get it, you feel like you're dreaming. Or maybe more like you think you should be dreaming, but it's real and you can't quite understand how. The days had been a complete tornado till arriving at the agency in Houston. And now that crazy, aching pull had brought us to our son. Praise the Lord!
Driving
The longer we were in Houston, the more we felt how much Minnesota is in our blood. We hated driving anywhere...too crowded and busy. We didn't like the "neighborhood." No place to walk. Nothing pretty around. After a couple days, Dan just wanted to go home. Because of the way we had set up the trip, not knowing how long it would take Harrison's "immigration" papers to go through, we had to stay. We loved seeing the Houston Zoo. Harrison is an easy and portable baby:) He happily slept in the Jelly Bean, waking only to frantically remind me that he was really about to starve. We loved Galveston, a lovely, white-sanded island about 1.5 hours from Houston. We didn't mind at all that the weather was anywhere from 70-90 degrees during the day. We enjoyed the fact that our room was cleaned by someone else, and that there was a pool and breakfast. But it got difficult to find food for my little allergy-bug. And we missed the peace, and beauty of the North.
Sleeping
Well, I never thought I would do so well with so little. Harrison is not into sleeping at night, and I am the main one to be up with him. Preemies are not supposed to go longer than 5 hours without a milky meal, so I really don't mind getting up. It's strange for me, because Lu slept through the nights from the beginning. However, sleeping now seems like an optional luxury. I can survive without it:)
Being a Minority
Many of the stores and restaurants we went into were filled with folks that looked at us a little strangely. We were usually one of the few white families there. I've never felt that way before, just being so conscious that I looked different. Not a bad feeling, really, just different. It was good for us, though, to feel that way, because at some point in his life, my baby is going to feel that way too. So far, being home, we've gotten nothing but gushy, adoring comments from strangers about our son...at some point some negative is going to come our way, but on my home turf I'm pretty sure I can handle it.
Health Care
I'm pretty fed up with our "health insurance." They won't cover Harrison till December. We've already had hundreds of dollars in medical fees, and there are hundreds and thousands more to come, because he's a preemie and there are things about him we need to monitor. He's doing great now, but things could go south pretty quickly. So, we're having to do some planning as to how exactly we will manage this. The biggest expense is his shot that he needs every month till the end of flu season. It costs $3,000...per shot. I'm still deciding whether we will do this or not. I need to know what's in it. What I do know is that it will protect him from getting RSV and potentially pneumonia. I just don't like what else (preservatives) could be in there too. I'm not worried, I know the Lord is in control. I'm just about ready to start my OWN health insurance company though. One that is run by human beings that have brains AND hearts. GOOD GRIEF!
Adopted (past tense)
I already forget my son was adopted. And I want it to be this way, for the most part. I think that I see a feature from my great-grandpa in him and then remember that that's probably not possible:) I don't want there to be a distinction between my biological child and my adopted child. They're both equally mine. Well, ours:)
Having Two
I love having two kids. The days go by much quicker, but they have new dimensions, new adventures. The house doesn't get or stay as clean or organized. I don't get dressed till about noon...I don't get as many showers:) I do get to check on two, sleeping angels each night. I get to marvel at how sweet they are and how much I love them. Lu is still pulling for a sister...she asked me one night if "We were going to get her sister tomorrow." I tell her, someday! We do not have any idea where the Lord will lead us next, because we're open for just about anything. We would like to do a foster adoption next, maybe a small sibling group. But we also have such a heart for international and special needs adoptions. One thing this whole process has taught me is that what you are called to do is not always the most practical. We never thought we would be able to pay for a domestic infant adoption. Not in a million years! But the Lord has come through. One, big dream has come true. I see no reason to limit God in what He will do in our lives'. For now, though, we are one happy, little family. Trouble still catches up with us, things still break, bills still pour in. But somehow we manage to float, and for some reason God wants it that way. God is good and God is able, and the more we focus on Him, the more we are convinced that everything will work out for our good and His glory.
Surreal
Holding my baby boy for the first time was just that...surreal. Like anything that you wait years for, when you finally get it, you feel like you're dreaming. Or maybe more like you think you should be dreaming, but it's real and you can't quite understand how. The days had been a complete tornado till arriving at the agency in Houston. And now that crazy, aching pull had brought us to our son. Praise the Lord!
Driving
The longer we were in Houston, the more we felt how much Minnesota is in our blood. We hated driving anywhere...too crowded and busy. We didn't like the "neighborhood." No place to walk. Nothing pretty around. After a couple days, Dan just wanted to go home. Because of the way we had set up the trip, not knowing how long it would take Harrison's "immigration" papers to go through, we had to stay. We loved seeing the Houston Zoo. Harrison is an easy and portable baby:) He happily slept in the Jelly Bean, waking only to frantically remind me that he was really about to starve. We loved Galveston, a lovely, white-sanded island about 1.5 hours from Houston. We didn't mind at all that the weather was anywhere from 70-90 degrees during the day. We enjoyed the fact that our room was cleaned by someone else, and that there was a pool and breakfast. But it got difficult to find food for my little allergy-bug. And we missed the peace, and beauty of the North.
Sleeping
Well, I never thought I would do so well with so little. Harrison is not into sleeping at night, and I am the main one to be up with him. Preemies are not supposed to go longer than 5 hours without a milky meal, so I really don't mind getting up. It's strange for me, because Lu slept through the nights from the beginning. However, sleeping now seems like an optional luxury. I can survive without it:)
Being a Minority
Many of the stores and restaurants we went into were filled with folks that looked at us a little strangely. We were usually one of the few white families there. I've never felt that way before, just being so conscious that I looked different. Not a bad feeling, really, just different. It was good for us, though, to feel that way, because at some point in his life, my baby is going to feel that way too. So far, being home, we've gotten nothing but gushy, adoring comments from strangers about our son...at some point some negative is going to come our way, but on my home turf I'm pretty sure I can handle it.
Health Care
I'm pretty fed up with our "health insurance." They won't cover Harrison till December. We've already had hundreds of dollars in medical fees, and there are hundreds and thousands more to come, because he's a preemie and there are things about him we need to monitor. He's doing great now, but things could go south pretty quickly. So, we're having to do some planning as to how exactly we will manage this. The biggest expense is his shot that he needs every month till the end of flu season. It costs $3,000...per shot. I'm still deciding whether we will do this or not. I need to know what's in it. What I do know is that it will protect him from getting RSV and potentially pneumonia. I just don't like what else (preservatives) could be in there too. I'm not worried, I know the Lord is in control. I'm just about ready to start my OWN health insurance company though. One that is run by human beings that have brains AND hearts. GOOD GRIEF!
Adopted (past tense)
I already forget my son was adopted. And I want it to be this way, for the most part. I think that I see a feature from my great-grandpa in him and then remember that that's probably not possible:) I don't want there to be a distinction between my biological child and my adopted child. They're both equally mine. Well, ours:)
Having Two
I love having two kids. The days go by much quicker, but they have new dimensions, new adventures. The house doesn't get or stay as clean or organized. I don't get dressed till about noon...I don't get as many showers:) I do get to check on two, sleeping angels each night. I get to marvel at how sweet they are and how much I love them. Lu is still pulling for a sister...she asked me one night if "We were going to get her sister tomorrow." I tell her, someday! We do not have any idea where the Lord will lead us next, because we're open for just about anything. We would like to do a foster adoption next, maybe a small sibling group. But we also have such a heart for international and special needs adoptions. One thing this whole process has taught me is that what you are called to do is not always the most practical. We never thought we would be able to pay for a domestic infant adoption. Not in a million years! But the Lord has come through. One, big dream has come true. I see no reason to limit God in what He will do in our lives'. For now, though, we are one happy, little family. Trouble still catches up with us, things still break, bills still pour in. But somehow we manage to float, and for some reason God wants it that way. God is good and God is able, and the more we focus on Him, the more we are convinced that everything will work out for our good and His glory.
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