Being Real

Hello again. I'm sitting here with an empty coffee mug, excuse me while I remedy this...
Ok, I'm back...this is a good time to write. Two out of the three are down for naps and Lu is contentedly playing with Polly Pocket. I'm still battling a sore throat, I think I'm on day 12, but for the most part I'm back on track. I'm also in a better frame of mind than last night.

Yesterday we received news that we were passed over for yet another baby. Another situation that would have worked out really well for us, and that we were really hoping would work out. I also received news that one agency that we work with is increasing their fees. Yay. Then it got me thinking that if there were no such thing as abortion, we could have had our baby a long time ago...and that thought didn't lead to a very good place for me either. I'm running into brick walls here. There are some things I am absolutely powerless to change or alter.

This is about the hardest it's been for me emotionally. Probably partially because I've been sick for so long. I always get a bit depressed when I'm sick...I feel like I'm trying to run a marathon with the flu...I still have to make it to the end but it's going to take much longer and hurt more. Life doesn't stop for a sick mom. And the stress level is ramped up. Things are moving faster now that the school year has started up and as always, I keep my head just barely above water. Part of me loves and needs to be busy, part of me hates it.

Also, during the summer when we were hearing nothing, at least we weren't being rejected. This makes the 5th situation that we've been considered and not been chosen for. Now, compared to a vast majority of adoption stories this may be quite tame, and perhaps we've only begun. But from the outset, we were told we could be matched anywhere from one week to 6 months from the time our homestudy was completed. We are over the 4 month mark. And now we're being considered for one situation out of the four potentials last week. I would expect she will make her choice soon, as the baby is now due in 18 days. I sometimes wonder if it would be better if we didn't know when our profile was being shown. It would spare a lot of the suspense and dissapointment.

We are applying for yet another grant. So great that they are out there, so sick of filling out the applications, asking our friends for references, photocopying all of our "financial" information...

Our info went out to a new adoption agency last week, so we should be interviewing with them soon. They are located in Utah. Not sure if they have any situations that would be open for us. Guess we'll see.

We've been waiting officially for four months, but we began this process in October of last year. We've been trying to get the ball rolling since Lu was 18 months old. She's now 4. We've been waiting and waiting and waiting. We've watched a winter, a spring and a summer go by since beginning our work with GCAA. Maybe that's why it makes me really sad to see the glowing leaves of our trees drop to the ground, time is slipping by. We hope we are ready, we think we are. I have absorbed so much material on adoption, attachment, children from hard places, birth moms, RAD, ADHD, ADD, brain chemistry, child development, FAS, FAE, various syndromes, genetic abnormalites and diseases etc...that pretty soon it's just all going to explode out of me:) I'm READY!!! Thanks to those who are praying...

Also, any ideas on how to put on a really exciting and profitable bake sale??? If nothing works out in the next few days, I think that may be where I turn my attention. HELP!:)