I often hear and talk about how the adoption process is like being on a roller coaster. You have many emotional highs and lows. Interestingly, at the moment, I feel that my emotions have turned off, which is a relief. I guess I must be the type of person who, unconsciously, guards against heartbreak once it's already happened. I do try to tell myself to not get excited, this might not work out, or this probably won't work out. But I find that I have to do that less and less. I feel that I'm just plodding along, muscling through giant stacks of to-do's, adoption and non-adoption related alike. When we are presented with each situation, there is always a catch...you're one of many families, the fee is really high, the birth mom hasn't decided yet, won't decide, changes her mind, the baby's medical condition is too severe etc... The idea of one day getting our child is exciting, but I suspend my feelings until I get the door slammed...again. I guess, like I've said before, we know how to deal with the no's, because so far that's all we've gotten. I don't mean to sound like Eeyore, though:) It's a relief to not have the feelings, at this point.
We do get tired and burned out though. The things we have had to do, the appointments, the hoops we jump, both to try and get enough funds and to try to convince others that we would make great parents to this or that child is exhaustive, when it's all piled up with our other labors. So, this last weekend, we were finally able to escape, just the three of us, to our favorite place in the whole world. It was beautiful, the weather was, for the most part, lovely, and we got to do everything we wanted to do. It did involve lots of driving, about 12 hours total, so during the road hours we logged, we listened to a book that I would highly recommend. It is called "In A Heartbeat" and it's by Sean and Leigh Anne Tuohy. As they talk about their adopted son, Michael, Dan and I both tear up. It's both encouraging and galling. Encouraging to hear a success story of a wonderful, loving union between a family and it's newest member. Galling because it just makes our hearts ache to hold our new baby!!
We did hear from our caseworker today that there is a new situation. We haven't made the decision on whether to move ahead with this one yet. There are two things to consider. First, on Friday there will be a meeting that will determine the baby in FL's future. They have four families, and my understanding is that whoever is involved in his well-being will decide who the best candidate is and whether any family doesn't fit the bill. They won't decide where to place him yet, just basically make a list from best to worst. When we hear where we fall on that list, we will know better how to proceed with this new baby.
This new baby was born August 9th:) He has a deleted chromosome, so they are expecting him to be special needs, though what that special need might be, we have no idea. Even with this, the fee will be over the $20,000 mark and that may not include the placement fee! We are open to considering him besides that. He was a preemie, born at 33 weeks, but it sounds like so far he is doing great! Please pray that we would be able to make a wise decision regarding the funds. Unless we hear something this week about the two grants, we need to find out if we would be able to take out a loan. We also just found out that the financial aid that we requested for uncovered medical expenses (LuLu's pre-existing condition of nut allergies!!!) was denied, so that will factor into how well we can manage more debt. It would only be till we got the adoption tax credit, but that would not be till 2012 because of the 6 month waiting period till finalization. So we will really need to feel God's leading in this one, as the height of the fees make us hesitate.
So, you may see how, at this point, it's hard not to get caught up in the details, and not in excitement. Each situation that we have come across so far that we think "Hey, we can afford this one" has not worked out so far, so maybe the Lord has some really big miracles "up His sleeve." Adoption itself is a miracle and one thing I know, when I finally get to hold my child in my arms, I will be overwhelmed with love and thankfulness!
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