Dear Friends and Family, The orphan crisis weighs heavily on our hearts. We have committed ourselves as parents to always have an open door to our home. This means where God leads in the adoption world, we will go… Just 9 months after we brought Harrison home, we were chosen to be the parents of a little boy with many health needs and a darling smile! We stepped out in faith, feeling that we are being called to special needs adoption. Although there are still many unknowns with Finn’s development, right now he is doing great and we feel very blessed! We ask for your prayers in a number of areas. First and foremost, for Finn’s health. He has a heart murmur, possible hearing loss, and will need orthotics in order for him to learn to walk properly. There is also a strong likelihood he will need services to address learning problems and is currently being monitored and receiving physical therapy from our school district. We also ask that you would pray that we would be able to fund the rest of the adoption, as there are still significant costs involved with finalization. Lifesong Adoption Ministries has chosen to partner with us to help finalize Finn’s adoption, which, including the placement fee, is over $18,000. They have awarded us a matching grant of $2500, and it is our hope that you will pray with us that this amount will be fully matched by the deadline of November 12th, 2012. Should you feel called to support us in our efforts, in any amount, we would greatly appreciate it! Checks can be made out to Lifesong For Orphans * PO Box 40/ 202 N. Ford Street Gridley, IL 61744 Please put our last name on the memo line along with our number 3042 . To give online go to http://www.lifesongfororphans.org/donation.html and in the “purpose” box put the same info as for the check memo line. Also, for more detailed information regarding our adoption journey please visit our blog www.churchfamadoption.blogspot.com We so appreciate your prayers and support. There are 143,000,000 orphans worldwide…we can’t really make a dent in that number, but we can rescue one at a time. Adopted for Life, Gina, Dan, Lucianna, Harrison and Finneas Church "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27 *Note: In following IRS guidelines, your donation is to the named non-profit organization. This organization retains full discretion over its use, but intends to honor the donor’s suggested use

A Gift And A Loss

Well, I cannot believe that I'm writing this, but we went from being a family of three to a family of five, in less than a year! Just a few months after finishing post placement requirements for Harrison's adoption, we got another placement. You may be wondering how this all began... Weeks, maybe more like days or moments after getting placement of my sweet, soft 6-week-old angel, we knew that we wanted to do it again. We wanted to adopt another child. We thought it would most likely be an older child. We thought it would take a year or two. So we made sure and dropped the hint to "the adoption lady", as my daughter refers to our adoption social worker. Little did we know that just a few months later, we would be bringing home our 3rd child! I never would have thought, as a self-centered, pleasure-loving college student, that I would, in just a few years time, have three children, while hoping for more! I had bought into the cultural current that children were simply work and not blessings. But over the years, the Lord has changed our hearts, so that no longer do we want a small number of children, so we can have "fun" sooner. Instead, we want to always have open hearts and open doors, and accept whatever children the Lord sends our way, through adoption. So, from January to April, the days flew by. I cherished every minute with my sweet baby boy, loving his velevety-soft skin and sweet, babyish ways. I was saddened by how quickly time was flying, getting closer and closer to the toddler years, when mama and baby are not so close and cuddly. What I didn't know was that in Texas, on January 5th, my second son was born. In April, we started getting more serious about updating the home study and getting other paperwork lined up. I also applied for an adoption grant, as we had been watching a particular child on an adoption registry that we thought might be "the one." Then, in mid-May, we received an email about a little boy, a four-month-old, with health problems and a hefty placement fee. They hinted that the fee might be altered because of the situation. I'm not sure if they ever received any info from us, because a few days later we were informed that another family in Texas was interested. We weren't dissapointed; it had seemed like an impossible situation. Then, out of the blue, we received another email, a few weeks later. The placement had not happened in Texas, were we still interested? After a flurry of activity in getting our home study all updated and shiny again, we prepared to wait again, for word of what the decision was. We didn't know how many other families were being considered. Surprise! We had prepared ourselves for another wait when my phone rang and my social worker was telling me that the case worker for this little boy thought we were a perfect fit for him. There were just a couple more if's. They seemed like really BIG if's, but looking back, they were just speed bumps placed by the Lord, to help us trust Him. And I'm sure He enjoyed that fact that we talked to Him a lot more during that month. Throughout the entire month of June, we waited to hear what the outcome would be with this adoption. At first, we spent a bit of time getting used to the idea of all the mixed bag of medical/possible special needs this boy would come with. Reading his history of medical emergencies and challenges really brings me to tears now. But I also was comforted by John 9:2 "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life." Now, waiting and not knowing does two things to hopeful parents. It brings a lot of mental stress and anguish (especially knowing that this baby was going in for surgery and that we couldn't be there), and it makes you want the one you're waiting for more and more each day. This causes MORE stress, because you are afraid of getting your heart broken by that little picture, that you try not to look at multiple times per day. This was all made more painful and difficult due to the fact that we were dealing with the illness and imminent loss of my grandpa. He was diagnosed with cancer not long after we got the call about the baby boy. The range and acuteness of suffering that we all felt during this time, was magnified for me by seeing how the disease ravaged my once healthy, always there grandpa. And by seeing how it broke the hearts of his wife and daughters. Losing someone close to you is hard enough, but observing the wounds it evokes in the hearts of the ones you love makes it so much harder. Seeing people who almost never cry break down is terrible, and triggers the emotions felt the last time you saw them cry. We prayed and pleaded for my grandpa. We spent many hours by his side, talking, reminiscing, trying to distract him from the evil enemy that was catching up, and getting closer each day. The memories of that time are still raw and painful. I could go into so much more detail, but I won't. Everyone has to face a loved ones death at some point. And so much about the dying process is incredibly intimate. It's so strange and so real. It makes even death seem different, familiar?? It's hard to describe. I am thankful that I got to be with grandpa and my family the moment that he passed. It was so awful watching death powerfully wrench him from our grasp. But the displays of grief and love were beautiful. Exhaustion, sorrow and love brought the crazy, argumentative shards of our family together in that time, cementing us in that moment of stunning pain. And there is definitely a gaping hole where Grandpa Sonny used to be. His quiet pressence is dearly missed. And now I cannot write any more about this. We were still waiting. Waiting to hear if the agency would approve a placement without paying of fees. Let me tell you, despite the fact that most agencies are just trying to help unite children with families, in private adoptions, to my knowledge anyway, fees are rarely, if ever, waived. And they weren't for us either. We knew and quickly informed this agency from the beginning, that we had NO money for the placement. And it was not an insignificant sum. $19,000 is a big portion of our YEARLY income. We could possibly have saved up that much by the time our baby was ready to retire from his life career. But what they agreed to do was place now, and see what we could come up with for fees in the form of fundraising, before the 6 months of pre-finalization were up. We rejoiced, for this truly felt like a miracle. They had incurred a huge amount of bills for this little man and could have tried to find a richer family to take him. But they felt we were a good match for him, and we are SO thankful:) However, the biggest, scariest test of all was ICPC. Because of legal risk, I won't go into the details of why this was such a huge deal, but believe me when I say, his paperwork going through like it did was miraculous. Up till now, we were dealing with compassionate, Christians making decisions about our family's future composition. This felt totally different. This was a government entity, deciding, really, whether this baby would come home with us. And a refusal would most likely have ended the whole process. I kept falling into panic and fear at the thought of what this could mean for us, and then I would remember what the Lord had already done, the doors he had already opened, and I knew He must have done that for a reason. On July 6th, one month after findind out that this baby was still parentless, and also the day after my grandpa's funeral, we found out that we would be bringing home a son. We didn't think ICPC had been submitted yet, and it had only been the day before, but miraculously, it went though in less than 24 hours (they warn you that it can take up to 10 days!!!) The Lord was truly in and around this situation. He, most definitely, wanted Finn to be with us, forever! On July 27th, after a grueling 12-hour-with-two-kids drive, we received placement of our third child, second by adoption. In my next post I will write about the miracles that took place on our way home. We are truly, truly blessed!

Inspiration

Something that inspires me... Families that intentionally adopt special needs kids, especially the ones that will be special needs for life. Isaiah 6:8 "And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.” Almost every time I think about the global orphan crisis, I think and pray this verse. Here am I, whatever I'm worth to you Lord, pour me out. My arms are open. My heart is ready! In a small or big way, use me!! There is so much out there that echoes this yearning in my heart. Other family's stories, music, themes in sermons and books and verses. This is from MercyMe, called "Won't You Be My Love?" I can't get the link to work but if you search for this song on YouTube you'll find it. "She's just a few days old a helpless little girl with no family of her own she is not to blame for the journey she is on she is not a mistake won't you lead her to my cross?" This is right where my heart is. Right here. Love has been on my mind a lot. Probably because, as a parent, we say it and act it out. I love you in the morning, I love you when you're sweet, I love you when you're sassy, I love you at bedtime and when you're asleep. And no matter what happened that day, when you see those cherubic lashes resting our round, baby cheeks, they still fool you into thinking that they are perfect angels drowsing there. And as much advice, wisdom, malarchy and hype that you encounter in the world of parenting tips, in the end, loving them as perfectly as possible, teaching them how to truly love in a self-sacrificing, noble way, is, I think, the best you can possibly do. Because the true essence of our Father-God is LOVE, and if you can truly unite with God and love the way it was meant to be done, you will have accomplished the greatest goal we can have in this life. On a side note, I think another super positive way to be as a parent, is joyful. You can't be this ALL the time, but as much of the time as possible. Be excited about life, and if you're not, find a way. This is like a spiritual elixer that immediately reflects onto your children and they SOAK IT UP and literally shine! When I am happy, joyful and excited, my kids just beam, it's absolutely amazing. Incidentally, I believe this is why stress is to be avoided whenever possible, because they soak that up, too. Back to our original topic, as a parent, we do pour ourselves out. We give and give every day. But this isn't something that belongs exclusively to the realm of parents. I recently read a blog that was lots hogwash, but I got this one little gem of advice that really resonated. The gist of it was that we should, in order to really live fully, allow love to just radiate and beam out of us. As Christians, if we ALL ALWAYS did this, the world would be an absolutely transformed place. I don't do this very often at all. Especially not to annoying strangers that drive rudely on the road or stand in the middle of the grocery isle and study the shelf, blocking my way as though I were INVISIBLE:) ME, ALL IMPORTANT ME? See, all this meditation about love, and I'm still not very good at it. But somehow, letting go of petty annoyances, from 5 year old who is bored and wants to get a reaction out of mom, or from a 55 year old who should know better, and just loving people is better for you, and, of course, better for everyone else. I'm not saying let criminals out of jail and just love them, but you get my point. We go around irritating each other like pieces of sandpaper, but instead of letting it inflame, maybe we should be letting it refine. And the last little pebble that has been rolling around my brain lately has to do with refining. Because my desire to parent orphaned, hurting and abandoned children is so strong, as well as to parent a small army of them (this is not fully tongue in cheek, I think I might be serious about that), my patience is tried. We have not yet finalized, but we did receive placement nearly 8 months ago, and two just does not feel like the perfect number:) Especially when I see how many millions of little angels there are out there that just need a person like me. Nothing special, amazing or unique, just an average midwestern mama that knows how to make pancakes and give big hugs. And maybe knows a thing or two about therapeutic parenting:) Not to mention the world's most amazing daddy who not only can cuddle and read books at the same time, but gives super fun tractor rides! But then I think back and realize how long we waited for Harrison. We waited, really, since the time we first wanted to adopt, 3.5 years ago. And all that waiting and preparing, I do feel, has created some pretty amazingly deep feelings of appreciation and thankfulness for my son. Not that I wouldn't be thankful for him had we received placement right when we felt the call, or right at the beginning of our actual process, but somehow, the waiting makes me savor every time I get to feed, hold, bathe, play with or kiss my baby son. So maybe the Lord will stay us in this holding pattern for a while, to build up that incredible well of emotion and gratitude. Maybe that is part of our refining as parents. Or maybe the Lord has opened up a door that we are to walk through right away again. There is a photo, and we are praying. More than anything, this little one, and many others, need a family. But, what I have found is that it always takes a miracle. It takes a miracle for each of these to be perfectly set into the family that they were meant for. Thankfully, we serve the God of Many Miracles. I see proof of that every. single. day. LIFE IS GOD

Things I Love

I love being a part of a community that speaks my language. The adoption world is beautiful, intimidating, sad and sweet. I love pouring my life into something that is so meaningful, purposeful and, as an added benefit, you get to spend your time with your cute kids. I love that right now birdsong is gushing into my kitchen through the screen door, along with croaking frogs and that earlier today I even heard a loon call. Makes me feel like I am in some wildlife sanctuary and it brings peace to my heart that is being triggered today. Ok, let's face it, I love my kids but I love the fact that they're both sleeping right now:) I love that my husband, who was sent to the feed mill to get straw for goat bedding, came home with four baby fluff-balls that he couldn't pass up. And that my daughter feels that it's appropriate to walk all over the house carrying them and talking to them as though they were human babies (as long as their feet are clean). I also love the fact that, come this fall, they will be laying mama some nice brown eggs. On a morning like this, I love coffee. I love lemon kombucha...and that I got it on SALE!!! I love my kids, so, so much. I love them so much I want to be a perfect mom to them...and then I fail and have to start over again. I love Gungor. They take an amazing truth from God's Word and write a symphony about it. I love that phrases like "This is not the end..." get stuck in my head, to remind me that we are soon going to be snatched out of our sorrows and afflictions, and what's worse to bear sometimes, observing the pain and sorrow of our world, to be united with our Glorious God. I love that no matter how many things are worst-case-scenario all around me, our family and my home, is a refuge. I love the anticipation of who the Lord might bring into our family next. I have learned so much about attachment, trauma and just, in general, the tough things about adoption, but I feel that now I am ready to put all that to the test. There's part of me that hopes/thinks I can stave off some of the struggle with good techniques from the start, along with natural ability (like I am some adopted-kid whisperer.) But there is another part of me that thinks "Girl, you do not know what you are getting yourself into." I love baby monitors. And no, I did not just randomly choose an object withing my view:) I use them well into the preschool years, sort of a security thing, I guess. I love that taking a walk in the open space site near our home feels like an hour and a half of vacation. I love the blessing of being able to serve by leading worship at church. It's such an amazing blessing to be part of something beautiful and to work with people that are passionate about it as well. I love reading. Even if it's only for 15 minutes, once a week:) I love seeing my kids happy. Lu at a playdate, transforming herself into a boy (complete with jersey, baseball cap, green boy ring and a tie)...and Harrison, kicking his feet and yelling for joy when we get him up in the morning. I love seeing LuLu kiss Harrison and hearing him crack up with joyful laughter...either he really loves to be kissed or he thinks she is hilarious. I love having a sweet, little brown baby boy. He is so perfect, angelic really. I feel a connection and a love for his birth mother for no other reason than this precious child came from her and I wish there was a way she could see how wonderful he is...maybe someday. I love days when the rain just gushes out of the clouds and pours in great, billowing sheets over the spring ground. It reminds me of God's love, which is abundant, refreshing and sustaining. Sometimes the soul experiences times of being in the desert, and this gushing, pouring rain heals the heart. There are many things in life I hate. I try not to dwell too much on them. Life is not easy, by any means. I feel sometimes that I am in a raft on a fast moving, rock filled river. Always dogding something, always avoiding disaster by about 2 cm. But what would be the sweet without the bitter? I firmly believe that if my life were easier, I would be much more selfish, and I wouldn't be willing to devote my life to the ones who need a lot. If things made me happy, I would not be pursuing adoption. And things would make me happy if I had been able to get my hands on them. The Lord truly shapes our lives in beautiful ways, if we let Him. If we're willing to be processed, He refines us in remarkable ways. Let Him do it. It hurts. It's worth it. The update is that we are in the process of finalizing. We're working with an attorney and hope to be done some time soon. Meanwhile, our training is done, our home study just needs to be re-written and re-paid-for and we're off. Technically, I think we're back in the waiting line for the next Churchling. It's going great so far. I THINK I've learned how to wait and be dissapointed graciously, we'll see!!! Our homestudy was looked at almost two weeks ago. We haven't heard anything but are praying for this precious little child. It's not looking like we will bring this one home, but we pray that he goes to a family that loves Jesus and can give him everything he needs.

Every Child Deserves to Giggle

As we enter the waters of adopting from foster care, adopting a child that's not a baby, who may have minor or not-so-minor behavioral and developmental or health issues, I try to imagine what that would be like. In my crazy, race-to-get-it-done-or-you'll-be-sorry life, learning how to love two kids and a husband and take care of a home and a budget (that if it had one more hole would surely sink like a torpedoed battleship), how in the world would I be able to take the time to right all the wrongs a typical foster child has endured? How can I give them the undivided attention that their wounded little hearts need when I am scurrying around with bottles and diapers, coloring books and laundry? Would I have to give up some of the precious moments that I absolutely relish with my quickly-growing, angel-eyed boy? I guess I don't worry about my four-year-old as much because I see how resilient, as well as how independent she is. And because of the fact that she, almost daily, asks for a sister:)

Something happened yesterday that gave me a new perspective on this matter. As we sat it church, singing a hymn, the song leader made a funny comment, and some chuckles rippled through the congregation. LuLu put her little hand over her mouth and giggled. I don't know if she really understood the comment and why it was funny. She may have; she's smart. However, as she sat there, in her pretty pink dress, squished between mom and dad, all three of us on a total of two chairs, not because we had to, either, that moment was about more than a funny comment. As she sat there, happy, mouthing the words of the song as she watched my mouth to make sure she was keeping up, I saw what every child in the world wants and deserves to have...the knowledge that they are precious. She knows she's loved, admired and safe. Her little face glowed with the reflection of all the most basic and natural love she felt coming from her mom and dad. Something that is so basic to healthy development, and yet, in our world, it seems, so very rare.

I believe for every child you see that is happy and nurtured, there are many more, hundreds, maybe thousands, that desperately want what that child has. To feel safe. To feel loved. To have a place of belonging, where they feel totally safe and totally, unconditionally loved.

That moment that I described with Lu, in church, brought tears to my eyes. Like a tiny arrow had been shot into my heart, piercing it. Every child deserves to giggle like that. Opening their sweet mouths and bubbling over with pure, sweet joy. Each little girl or boy out there, who can't giggle like that, who feels they have to hide their emotions because of trauma, or has to present a tough front to the world because they have learned that they have to scare off attacks, deserves to be put into a family that can give them security and nurture. It's not a question of "Am I up to the challenge?", rather it's "Do they deserve the effort?" The answer is quite obvious, I think.

I think part of what makes me hold back, just a bit, some of my reservation is based on the horror stories. However, as bad as it can get, dealing with the past trauma of a child who has gone through multiple placements, not to mention the actual abuse that caused them to be removed from their birth home, I do believe there is hope for each child. How can we say that a child is beyond redemption? As serious as any psychological damage is, how can we say or assume that an abusive adult can, by their actions or lack of attention, destroy that child's entire chance at happiness, now and in the future? If there is no hope for the abused and damaged child, then really, there is not much hope for anything.

I'm excited to begin the research process again. When we were waiting for Harrison, last year, I was reading, reading, reading. Trying to absorb as much information as I could to be the best possible adoptive mother. To be the best possible mother. I feel a bit different now. Now I have witnessed God placing a little, perfect angel with our family. I say perfect because he does have the most angelic eyes, but also because he was made to be a member of our family. He fits in perfectly. If I knew, without a doubt, that God was going to place another so perfectly-fitting child into our family, wouldn't I be eager for that moment? Do I really think that God is leading us to care for a child we can't love or that cannot love us? Is that even possible? I've never met a kid I couldn't love, and I have met hundreds!

So again(as in our previous adoption adventure), we're down to the trust factor. When you offer up your family, your time, your home as an adoptive parent, you do take a risk. You risk the balance of your family. I believe you do that any time you add a member, whether biologically or through adoption. So, the question is, what's there to worry about? If God put me here, if God gave me this desire, if He blesses us with a child that fits our specifications and the necessary funds to make the match, then really, what do I have to worry about? NOT A THING. Will He punish us for obeying, or will He, ultimately, bless us? Are children a blessing? I believe the answer to that question is a resounding YES! If only for the fact that you get one more person to love and cuddle, and nothing feels better than a heart full to the brim of love.

So, here's our update...remember those???:) We will be finalizing some time in late April or early May. Mere formality, we already tore up the receipt:) Then, we plan on doing our pre-adoptive training, which, by law, we have to do before we can adopt a waiting child. 16 hours, to be specific. Our plan, since we don't leave Harrison for that much time yet, is to do it separately, so that one of us can be with him IF.....the children we are interested in (yes, more than one) are still available. I'm not going to say anything more specific than that, because picking babies off of photolistings is a risky business. There are NO guarantees. Otherwise, if those sweet kids end up not being available, then we will wait till fall when we can do the training together, and for free with our agency, which we love. And then we will be back on the list, but maybe not back on the roller coaster??? My goal is to put God's will first, and to not get attached to the idea of anybody. There's enough time to do that once we bring her/him/them home:) We'll see what I'm saying and feeling 6 months from now.

Perhaps a door opening just a crack, a sign if you will, is that something I've been praying for for a LONG time has finally happened. This will allow me to, potentially, have more time to spend with a newly adopted child, along with the other two spoiled ones:) Our plan is to keep walking through open doors and follow the challenging, beautiful path our Lord has laid out for us, before the beginning of time. I just know He has some amazing adventures in store for our little ship!

A Lifestyle

I sit here in a coffee shop, relishing a few, free moments. Moments in which I don't have to be mom, moments just to sit and think, read and reflect. The minutes are ticking by too quickly...hours slide by like water in a lazy river, smooth and almost unnoticed. Winter has gripped the Minnesota landscape and a rogue draft chills my left side. The light is beginning to slant and the icicles are winking a good-bye to this day. A day early in 2012, a new year.

As I think back on 2011, I honestly can't remember too much. It's all just a blurry haze, all but the one, big, wonderful thing that will set it apart from every other year of my life. The year we became four! 2011 was one long quest...a quest to find Harrison, though throughout most of it, we didn't know what the end goal looked like. Didn't know if it would be pink or blue, running and chattering or small and soft. It was a year with a large question mark, and my little sweet boy is the answer. A year of continuously throwing ourselves and our future into the unknown, because we were irresistibly drawn to do so, and hoping to find the one that was missing. And we did. We found shiny brown dimples, soft black curls, and million dollar smiles.

And now we're hooked. Hooked on this little person of pudge and also on the process of how we got him. And the more time that slips by, the more we feel that we need to be open. Open to closed doors, and ready to walk confidently through the ones that are open. We want to keep the door to our family open...always. Because the need is endless, and just like I knew I loved H before we even met, I know that I love what I cannot see yet, the person or people that have yet to walk in that open door. I am eager to get to that door, to get to that place where we can celebrate another child in our circle of love and laughter.

I ask myself if I am being hasty...if I am being greedy for more joy, more love, more small bodies around my kitchen table. I am asked if I can handle more, and I feel that my arms and heart can stretch forever. Little hearts are breaking for a mama and daddy all over the world, and this mama heart could not say no to loving any of them.

Lots of words and phrases float through my mind...Ethiopia, waiting child, foster care, special needs, attachment, when, what if, ministry, RAD, if money were no object, faith, believe, promise, God's will, little ones, family,Congo, contentment children are a blessing,

such a blessing.

I never knew what that meant. I always looked critically at the chaos, noise, exhaustion of large families. Now, I find myself dreaming of many little world-weary souls, finding respite, love and nurture in my home, in my arms. Sweet ones, who never sought trouble, but it found them. Precious babies that never felt the comfort of mother-love, or lost it before they were strong enough to bear a life of want and fear.

There are repercussions, one must count the cost. These complex little beings, with emotional and psychological depth can be twisted into knots that are difficult to work out. Love isn't enough to raise a child, one must have wisdom, experience, knowledge, common sense and much patience. But what is this life worth if it hasn't been poured out and used up? What good am I doing if I only do what is easy and safe? "If your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough." Who have I helped? Who will my ripple affect if it dies when I do? I am not content with the easy or the safe. "A ship in port is safe, but that is not what ships are built for" Grace Murray Hopper. Something in me challenges every step of the way, so why not channel that fight into something good? Into something great? Maybe we will be called to love someone that is hard to love...someone who doesn't give back? Well then "But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous” Luke 14:13-14. There are no certainties in life anyway. You can pour your life out for any child, biological or adopted and find it all thrown back in your face. We don't work for a reward from our children...we work to open up a new pane of glass from the soul, another place that can reflect more Light.

But I do, most of all, desire to take the path that my Lord has marked for me. If that means we stay a family of four forever, then I will devote my life to being a mom of two. If His plan if for 2 or 10, I am up for anything. I want to be so immersed in His Word and Will that I press on no matter how improbable my goal may seem. After all, none of us know what is just around the bend anyway. Great trouble or great blessing, we cannot predict or avoid either. Why not hold the hand of the One who can support us through all? After all, he took a struggling-to-make-ends-meet family and put a desire so strong it could not be ignored deep down inside their hearts. And then continued to open doors till they reached a great chasm. And just as they jumped, He built the bridge under them. If that isn't a miracle, then I don't know what is...and if it happened once, we know it can happen again.

I don't envision my life as one where I sit back and fill myself with my own desires. I see it as being a covering a shelter, a worker, a doer. However, I also now know the reward of little arms around my neck, sweet loving words and smiles from tiny faces. What the years may bring, what this new year may bring, I can hardly begin to imagine, what I know is what I live, laundry, dishes, cooking, picking up toys, goodnight kisses, resting with a sleeping baby snuggled under my chin, phone calls, laughter and frustration, sleeplessness and the busy energy of a chore-filled day. Thinking deeply and sleeping lightly and dreaming of better days, even though these ones are pretty blessed already. And remembering “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you" Matthew 7:7. There are many concerns to bring before the throne. But I am reminded that prayer does not inform God of any need or tell Him anything He doesn't already know...it is me, actively placing all that concerns me, in His hands...

So, to wrap this rather rambling post up, here are some last few thoughts. There are 5 million orphans in Ethiopia...we are learning about a program in Congo that is really affordable...we look to the Lord to expand our horizons, financially, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I am beginning to plan, but wait on the Lord for His miracles and His timing, being content and patient. For He has truly blessed us with what we could never have deserved (beautiful children, a warm home and lots of love) and with what we need (enough lack to make us thankful and trust in the unseen Sustainer of all things).

Why are you so far from me?
In my arms is where you ought to be
How long will you make me wait?
I don't know how much more I can take
I missed you
But I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
How I do
Slowly counting down the days
Till I finally know your name
Ooo the way your hand feels round my waist
The way you laugh
The way your kisses taste
I missed you
But I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
How I do, How I do
I've missed you
But I haven't met you
Oh I missed you
I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
Oh how I want to
Dear whoever you might be
I'm still waiting patiently.

The Civil Wars, "To Whom It May Concern"