Things I Love

I love being a part of a community that speaks my language. The adoption world is beautiful, intimidating, sad and sweet. I love pouring my life into something that is so meaningful, purposeful and, as an added benefit, you get to spend your time with your cute kids. I love that right now birdsong is gushing into my kitchen through the screen door, along with croaking frogs and that earlier today I even heard a loon call. Makes me feel like I am in some wildlife sanctuary and it brings peace to my heart that is being triggered today. Ok, let's face it, I love my kids but I love the fact that they're both sleeping right now:) I love that my husband, who was sent to the feed mill to get straw for goat bedding, came home with four baby fluff-balls that he couldn't pass up. And that my daughter feels that it's appropriate to walk all over the house carrying them and talking to them as though they were human babies (as long as their feet are clean). I also love the fact that, come this fall, they will be laying mama some nice brown eggs. On a morning like this, I love coffee. I love lemon kombucha...and that I got it on SALE!!! I love my kids, so, so much. I love them so much I want to be a perfect mom to them...and then I fail and have to start over again. I love Gungor. They take an amazing truth from God's Word and write a symphony about it. I love that phrases like "This is not the end..." get stuck in my head, to remind me that we are soon going to be snatched out of our sorrows and afflictions, and what's worse to bear sometimes, observing the pain and sorrow of our world, to be united with our Glorious God. I love that no matter how many things are worst-case-scenario all around me, our family and my home, is a refuge. I love the anticipation of who the Lord might bring into our family next. I have learned so much about attachment, trauma and just, in general, the tough things about adoption, but I feel that now I am ready to put all that to the test. There's part of me that hopes/thinks I can stave off some of the struggle with good techniques from the start, along with natural ability (like I am some adopted-kid whisperer.) But there is another part of me that thinks "Girl, you do not know what you are getting yourself into." I love baby monitors. And no, I did not just randomly choose an object withing my view:) I use them well into the preschool years, sort of a security thing, I guess. I love that taking a walk in the open space site near our home feels like an hour and a half of vacation. I love the blessing of being able to serve by leading worship at church. It's such an amazing blessing to be part of something beautiful and to work with people that are passionate about it as well. I love reading. Even if it's only for 15 minutes, once a week:) I love seeing my kids happy. Lu at a playdate, transforming herself into a boy (complete with jersey, baseball cap, green boy ring and a tie)...and Harrison, kicking his feet and yelling for joy when we get him up in the morning. I love seeing LuLu kiss Harrison and hearing him crack up with joyful laughter...either he really loves to be kissed or he thinks she is hilarious. I love having a sweet, little brown baby boy. He is so perfect, angelic really. I feel a connection and a love for his birth mother for no other reason than this precious child came from her and I wish there was a way she could see how wonderful he is...maybe someday. I love days when the rain just gushes out of the clouds and pours in great, billowing sheets over the spring ground. It reminds me of God's love, which is abundant, refreshing and sustaining. Sometimes the soul experiences times of being in the desert, and this gushing, pouring rain heals the heart. There are many things in life I hate. I try not to dwell too much on them. Life is not easy, by any means. I feel sometimes that I am in a raft on a fast moving, rock filled river. Always dogding something, always avoiding disaster by about 2 cm. But what would be the sweet without the bitter? I firmly believe that if my life were easier, I would be much more selfish, and I wouldn't be willing to devote my life to the ones who need a lot. If things made me happy, I would not be pursuing adoption. And things would make me happy if I had been able to get my hands on them. The Lord truly shapes our lives in beautiful ways, if we let Him. If we're willing to be processed, He refines us in remarkable ways. Let Him do it. It hurts. It's worth it. The update is that we are in the process of finalizing. We're working with an attorney and hope to be done some time soon. Meanwhile, our training is done, our home study just needs to be re-written and re-paid-for and we're off. Technically, I think we're back in the waiting line for the next Churchling. It's going great so far. I THINK I've learned how to wait and be dissapointed graciously, we'll see!!! Our homestudy was looked at almost two weeks ago. We haven't heard anything but are praying for this precious little child. It's not looking like we will bring this one home, but we pray that he goes to a family that loves Jesus and can give him everything he needs.