The Waiting Is Over

Well, the wait is finally at an end...for now anyway:)

It was quite the climactic ending to this part of the story. As is true in any, good, captivating story, after adversity, ups and downs, the grand finale blows you away with the excitement, danger and suspense finally concluding in a glorious finish. Except, this is just the beginning!

It all began on Friday morning, the 14th of October. It was around 11:15 a.m. and I was just getting out of the shower. All of a sudden, the phone began to ring. Rather grudingly, I trotted down the stairs, wondering "Who is it now??" It was Dan. He asked me how it was going...he sounded strangely happy. I say strangely because it had been a very stressful week at work, and every day that I had spoken to him at work he was, to put it bluntly, a bit grumpy. He asked me if I was sitting down, and my first thought was "Yay, the adoption loan went through!" But that wasn't it. After obliging him and sitting down, he uttered words that I will never forget. "You're going to be a mommy again." "What?" "What?" "Are you kidding?" I was shocked! Well, who is this baby? He is 6 weeks old, a preemie, in Texas, waiting for us to come get him! We exchanged shocked reactions and then he emailed the sparse details of this little baby boy.

He had been born at 28 weeks gestation. Just released from the hospital, he was now in foster care. They wanted us down there asap. The birth mom had chosen us!!! The birth father had not yet signed but had agreed to do so that afternoon. The next thing we had to focus on was making sure we had all the funding we needed. This adoption would cost $20,000 plus travel costs. We had two grants, some cash in savings, but still had a deficit. I was feeling panicked...what if now that we're chosen the funds don't come through? But then peace flooded in as the Lord reminded me that this was not too difficult for Him, He was in control. The next 44 hours were frantic, ceaseless activity.

Dan called the loan company. We would get the loan, but it would not go through till Tuesday and there was a bunch of paperwork to do. So for that day my focus was to get three things done 1. Get paperwork done 2. Book a flight, rent a car 3. Choose a name. We learned that because they wanted to start the ICPC paperwork right away that the caseworker in TX would need a name. We had no name!

The day flew by with the kids tearing the house apart, getting in trouble and breaking down in tears. Apparently they were feeling a bit stressed:) The phone calls from our caseworker, family members and working out details with Dan were unending. The emails were flying too. They detailed what airport to fly into, whom to call when, where to stay and provided documentation needed by the credit union. I juggled everything, but didn't have time to eat, do my hair or put on any make up. There was a revolving door at our house that day. Grandparents, siblings and in-laws...the usual for our house. And everyone wanted to know about this next leg of the journey.

By the time Dan got home, I had gotten the house in some semblance of order and dinner was actually cooking. I had snatched moments here and there to frantically search for affordable airfare and check for new developments in our story. The birth father signed the papers. A necklace would be a good gift for the birth mom. A picture was finally sent, not a great likeness but something to look at, a balm to remind us why we were enduring this unbelievable amount of pressure. At around 8 p.m. I was sitting down to do paperwork. We hadn't decided on a name yet, hadn't really even gotten a chance to thik about it. Our laptop kept shutting down, it couldn't handle the stress either, so Dan's mom graciously went home to bring her actually-from-this-decade laptop so we had something reliable to work on while searching for airfare. We hadn't decided yet if we were going to do round-trip or not. We didn't know for sure when ICPC would go through, so we thought about just driving home. The idea of this with a newborn was not appealing, however, and we thought it would end up costing just as much as the flight home, once all was said and done.

By now, it was around 9:30. Still no name. Dan worked on booking the flight. We were trying to compare, but by then, we just needed to jump on something. So we booked the flight and the car. This done by a man who had never flown, and a woman who had not flown in 5 years. We were fish out of water:)

Now it's getting close to 10 p.m. The name had to be in by midnight. Dan gets distracted easily, especially when his brother is around, which he was at that time:) So, at 10:30, we were still deciding. Eventually, everyone had made their way home and it was just Dan and I. I went outside to take the dog out. I thought "Harrison is a nice name...Harrison Daniel?" When I came in I presented it to Dan, who was going through lists of names, one letter of the alphabet at a time. He put the name on his list. I think he liked the fact that we would be naming the child after him! I went upstairs to the bathroom and when I came down, we were in agreement...Harrison Daniel it was, just like that!

Finally, it was time for bed, but the list for the next day was daunting. I don't think either of us slept much. The night before we were waiting. As I took my shower that morning, I was praying for patience. Now, we were suddenly the mom and dad of a little boy we had never met or even heard about that morning. So strange. So awesome!

That morning, Saturday, I got up and cleaned my kitchen. I knew I couldn't function properly with a disaster in the heart of the house. And then I made pancakes. I wasn't sure if I would have time to sleep that night before our early morning flight, but we were going to have breakfast!! By around 9 a.m. I was online and making phone calls. I think I must have made about 8 or 10 calls, to airport, caseworker, family members etc. One big thing that I was working on was getting a hold of one of our granting agencies. The rule was the money to be matched had to be in their hands before placement. Placement, we had just learned, would be as soon as we could get to the agency office upon landing and getting our car. We didn't have much time, and as the hours ticked by, and still I heard nothing from them, the tension in me rose. I knew we could take out more for the loan, but I believed that God would come through for us on this one. We hadn't been awarded this grant for no reason!

By mid-afternoon I needed to start running errands, so I packed up the dog and my list and LuLu and I headed out. My mom and I met my sister at the mall. I had requested help in picking out a gift for Harrison's birth mom. I knew what I wanted and after searching a few different stores, I found something perfect. It was on sale, so it was within our price range. At this point, we were under the impression that we would be meeting her. I had nervous thoughts and feelings about this, but at the same time, knew it would be good for my son! During our shopping trip I got a call from Dan. He had talked to someone from the grant agency. We could drop the check off that day!! Praise the Lord. Everything seemed like a miracle that day, because there were so many unknowns!

We all had lunch together. Then, my sister traded me my nephew's hand-me-downs for my dog:) I came out ahead on that one:) Another thing off my mind...I knew our little doggy was now in good hands!

I headed to Target then home. It was surreal picking out the needed baby items. I couldn't believe our family was going to have a baby again...formula, diapers, tiny, soft blankets.

When I got home the house and garage was buzzing with activity. Dan had a side job that had to be finished that day, so he had a support team with him...his dad and brother. I unloaded the car and headed out again with the check. I left the $2,000 check in the hands of a teenage girl I had never met before. Ok!

Then I went home. More family members had arrived, ready to help. I needed someone to sort baby clothes, I needed to know what I could pack and not be arrested for. I needed to know how heavy my bag could be. I needed to clean out the goat shed and chicken shack. I needed Lu to be watched. The Church clan pulled together and helped Dan and I out tremendously that day! At some point, a bassinet showed up that we could borrow...from my brother-in-law and his wife. I began packing. Dan was getting close on the side job, but all of a sudden got a call from our wood guy that he was dropping off a load. Think small mountain of telephone-poll-like trees. So that showed up that day too:)

We were busy into the evening, but we were able to accomplish everything we needed to do, including faxing all the needed paperwork to the credit union.

I set the alarm for 4 a.m. I actually did sleep...a bit.

When the alarm went off, I snapped awake faster than I ever have. Then I felt a little sick. What are we doing??? I think I was in shock, and I was very nervous about flying...getting through security and finding the right gate. But it all went smoothly. It was so strange to us, to be in an airport, headed to Texas, in what felt like the middle of the night. And then what? They were just going to hand us this little baby and let us leave with him? What in the world!!

The boarding, take off, landing, waiting, boarding, take off and landing went smoothly. The closer we got the more excited and nervous we became. We landed in IAH and waited forever for the one item we checked...a car seat:) Lu was bouncing off the walls, literally, and at that point I believe we got a voicemail from our caseworker. We had been trying to figure out if we could be approved really fast for a grant that we had applied for earlier that week that we figured would be a shoe-in. Problem was, although we had mailed the application in on Tuesday, it hadn't arrived and if they didn't get it that day, it wouldn't be considered. We were a bit bummed by this, and I knew that now we would have more paperwork to do at the hotel after we got Baby Harrison...I did not want to do that, but if we got the grant, it would really help.

We found the shuttle that took us to our rental car. We got matched with our car. We got directions to the agency. We got lost, turned around. Turned around again. Called the caseworker 6 or 7 times. Couldn't figure it out! We were on the right road, we were seeing some of the landmarks she was telling us, but where was this place!!! I was so stressed and tired my eyes felt like they were going to bleed. I kept praying "Lord just let us find it." Finally, we realized our GPS was totally off, we needed to go south about 4 miles. Then we found it easily. We walked into this little suite in a strip mall. A friendly woman was telling us our baby was in there, but she held a folder. This first, because once the baby comes out you're no good to me! We almost made it through the whole stack, but the time had come. We needed to meet our Harrison! They took Lu out, apparently the tradition there is to let the sibbling "carry" the baby in to mom and dad. Weird but, whatever, just bring me my baby. And then there he was, this impossibly tiny, brown baby. I picked him up and looked at his little face, told him it was mommy, told him I loved him, gave him his first kiss from mama. We took pictures, did a few more formalities, including writing out a very big check (Yikes!)

Then, we loaded him in the car seat and drove out the parking lot. He was ours. Let's go "home." I hated putting him in that car seat, but once we arrived at our hotel, he did not stay in that car seat one second longer than he needed to!

We did have to get that application in that night, so while I fed him his "first" bottle I was also typing away. It wouldn't work to email it, because I couldn't save the info on the form, so I had to print and scan and attach. The hoops we jumped through!!! We got it in by around 9 p.m. A day late, worth a try. Then, we were free! Free to enjoy our sweet little boy, who every time we looked at him got more precious and cute. It was surreal. Like nothing we've ever done. One of the greatest things we ever done, by far!

The next day I received a voicemail from our caseworker...we got the grant! Icing on the cake. Now, we could enjoy 9 more days in Texas, like going back in time it was so summery warm. I'll write about our stay in the next post!

The Skinny for Today

Hello Folks! We continue to pray for a birth mom in TX who is still working on making a decision about where to place her baby(due in 13 days). We also received word yesterday on a sibling group in Oregon, ages 2 and 3, for whom we are going to be considered. This would be a foster adoption. Our case worker called this one a long shot...hmmm:) Also, we are inquiring about a baby boy in NY, about 5 months old, born at 26 weeks. This one I'm calling a long shot, but the agency that represents him is so amazing, I am just totally impressed by them and the work they do. I'm quite sure they will be overwhelmed with interest in this little one. So that's what we know so far...

Wow, it is just a glorious day here in MN...the sky is just radiant. May you all be blessed today with a better understanding of the loving and just God that surrounds us with His presence, and shelters those who obey Him in His providence. Psalm 78!!!!

Being Real

Hello again. I'm sitting here with an empty coffee mug, excuse me while I remedy this...
Ok, I'm back...this is a good time to write. Two out of the three are down for naps and Lu is contentedly playing with Polly Pocket. I'm still battling a sore throat, I think I'm on day 12, but for the most part I'm back on track. I'm also in a better frame of mind than last night.

Yesterday we received news that we were passed over for yet another baby. Another situation that would have worked out really well for us, and that we were really hoping would work out. I also received news that one agency that we work with is increasing their fees. Yay. Then it got me thinking that if there were no such thing as abortion, we could have had our baby a long time ago...and that thought didn't lead to a very good place for me either. I'm running into brick walls here. There are some things I am absolutely powerless to change or alter.

This is about the hardest it's been for me emotionally. Probably partially because I've been sick for so long. I always get a bit depressed when I'm sick...I feel like I'm trying to run a marathon with the flu...I still have to make it to the end but it's going to take much longer and hurt more. Life doesn't stop for a sick mom. And the stress level is ramped up. Things are moving faster now that the school year has started up and as always, I keep my head just barely above water. Part of me loves and needs to be busy, part of me hates it.

Also, during the summer when we were hearing nothing, at least we weren't being rejected. This makes the 5th situation that we've been considered and not been chosen for. Now, compared to a vast majority of adoption stories this may be quite tame, and perhaps we've only begun. But from the outset, we were told we could be matched anywhere from one week to 6 months from the time our homestudy was completed. We are over the 4 month mark. And now we're being considered for one situation out of the four potentials last week. I would expect she will make her choice soon, as the baby is now due in 18 days. I sometimes wonder if it would be better if we didn't know when our profile was being shown. It would spare a lot of the suspense and dissapointment.

We are applying for yet another grant. So great that they are out there, so sick of filling out the applications, asking our friends for references, photocopying all of our "financial" information...

Our info went out to a new adoption agency last week, so we should be interviewing with them soon. They are located in Utah. Not sure if they have any situations that would be open for us. Guess we'll see.

We've been waiting officially for four months, but we began this process in October of last year. We've been trying to get the ball rolling since Lu was 18 months old. She's now 4. We've been waiting and waiting and waiting. We've watched a winter, a spring and a summer go by since beginning our work with GCAA. Maybe that's why it makes me really sad to see the glowing leaves of our trees drop to the ground, time is slipping by. We hope we are ready, we think we are. I have absorbed so much material on adoption, attachment, children from hard places, birth moms, RAD, ADHD, ADD, brain chemistry, child development, FAS, FAE, various syndromes, genetic abnormalites and diseases etc...that pretty soon it's just all going to explode out of me:) I'm READY!!! Thanks to those who are praying...

Also, any ideas on how to put on a really exciting and profitable bake sale??? If nothing works out in the next few days, I think that may be where I turn my attention. HELP!:)

Quick Update

Baby I has been matched with another family. We just found out this morning. There are three situations in TX that we can be shown for, and our caseworker is going to be sending our info to an agency in Utah. Also, I did some research on my own and found a situation of a birth mom in Kansas that looks like a possibility (just waiting to hear from her caseworker) and also on a photolisting website, I found a baby girl that was just listed, and inquired about her (probably along with 45,000 other hopeful adoptive moms:))

In the meantime, we've finished yet another application for financial aid, I think this is our 6th that we've applied for and are also working on another one this week (that would be our 7th.) It's so great that there are so many foundations out there that want to help!

Through this process, I have learned that when you want something from God, a baby in our case, you don't whine and complain and act sorry for yourself. You present your request at the throne of Grace and then praise Him. If my daughter did that, I would never be able to refuse her anything!!! God is teaching me how to wait for the desires of my heart graciously, even when I feel like it's the most ridiculous thing to wait for, since all around the world children are suffering from the want of a parent or two. I do not understand, but I sing and wait. Psalm 71:14 "But as for me, I will hope continually, and will praise Thee yet more and more." Love this!

The Plain Facts

Ok, so we're back to waiting to hear about Baby I, we'll call him, in FL. Remember, he's 19 months old and in foster care, waiting for his forever family. Today the people in charge of him (there are many) will have a meeting and put the four families in a list of whom they would most likely place him with. They could throw some families out all together as well. Hopefully, we will hear something today or tomorrow. We have a photo of this little guy and he is CUTE! He has some issues he has to work through, based on the fact that he didn't get medical care as a developing preemie, but nothing major as long as his therapies are successful.

Also, there are three situations in TX we can be shown for. They will each cost $19,000 which is a number that we're comfortable with, but wouldn't be able to use one of our grants for, so we would still need to come up with an extra $7,000. We could take out a loan and survive that, but the interest rates are high (8-15%) so we will continue applying for grants/no interest loans and hopefully squeeze in one more fundraiser.

We did receive a wonderful gift yesterday of $5,000. I feel like we are a non-profit organization when I talk about adoption funds, so forgive me if I am too revealing in all this. I just wish to encourage all you who are praying and those who may someday wish to adopt.

Here's where we stand right now financially...most adoptions that we've seen will end up costing about $20,000...we've seen three that were $10,000 or under, so that's always a possibility. However, there are also travel costs to consider, post placement fees (anywhere from $900-$2,000) and finalization costs (up to $10,000 in some cases.) So what I'm saying is, any amount that we raise is helpful and even when we reach our "goal" there will most likely be more needed.

The Breakdown of what we have now:GGAM Matching Grant $4774 (we need $113 for this grant to be fully matched)
MICAH fund matching grant $0 (they will match up to $2000)
$1300 in savings (gift money)
$7,000 if/when we need it, from generous family:)
This leaves a need for the MICAH grant to be matched, and once that is accomplished, a $7,000 deficit till we reach just over $20,000.


Still waiting to here from Show Hope and Kaitlyn's Fund granting agencies, mailing in an application tomorrow for a no-interest, low payment adoption loan from ABBA fund (this would be a huge blessing to get!!) And will be applying to Elijah's Truth next week...I can only do one application at a time, or I start losing important documents and my mind.


Ways you can help:1. Pray that we would be awarded the right grants or loans. Pray that our baby would come home before Christmas!!! Pray that our hearts, minds, bodies and souls would be ready to love and nurture this child no matter what needs he/she may have.
2. If you feel led, give by clicking the donate button to the right. Even if we end up doing a low cost ($10,000 or under) adoption, we will still need help for airfare, hotel stay(s) (while we wait to take baby home), car rental, post placement fees and finalization (the legal part to becoming the child's parents.)
3. Ideas for a benefit or fundraiser that could give a final boost to what we've raised so far.
4. Letting us talk to you about our adoption. Our hearts are full, so whenever there's something you want to know, or if you just feel nice enough to have us talk your leg off, just ask!!

While I feel that our need is pretty great at this point, there are thousands of other adoptive couples out there needing the same financial help. I would encourage you to consider adoption, but if you can't help in that way, to give to those who want to. There are some wonderful ways to give, and if you don't know anyone personally, consider giving to a granting agency! Some great ones are God's Grace Adoption Ministry, MICAH fund, Elijah's Truth and the ABBA fund. There are many, many more. What is the sacrifice when you consider what you are doing for one or many precious, helpless, children?

The Roller Coaster That We Ride

I often hear and talk about how the adoption process is like being on a roller coaster. You have many emotional highs and lows. Interestingly, at the moment, I feel that my emotions have turned off, which is a relief. I guess I must be the type of person who, unconsciously, guards against heartbreak once it's already happened. I do try to tell myself to not get excited, this might not work out, or this probably won't work out. But I find that I have to do that less and less. I feel that I'm just plodding along, muscling through giant stacks of to-do's, adoption and non-adoption related alike. When we are presented with each situation, there is always a catch...you're one of many families, the fee is really high, the birth mom hasn't decided yet, won't decide, changes her mind, the baby's medical condition is too severe etc... The idea of one day getting our child is exciting, but I suspend my feelings until I get the door slammed...again. I guess, like I've said before, we know how to deal with the no's, because so far that's all we've gotten. I don't mean to sound like Eeyore, though:) It's a relief to not have the feelings, at this point.

We do get tired and burned out though. The things we have had to do, the appointments, the hoops we jump, both to try and get enough funds and to try to convince others that we would make great parents to this or that child is exhaustive, when it's all piled up with our other labors. So, this last weekend, we were finally able to escape, just the three of us, to our favorite place in the whole world. It was beautiful, the weather was, for the most part, lovely, and we got to do everything we wanted to do. It did involve lots of driving, about 12 hours total, so during the road hours we logged, we listened to a book that I would highly recommend. It is called "In A Heartbeat" and it's by Sean and Leigh Anne Tuohy. As they talk about their adopted son, Michael, Dan and I both tear up. It's both encouraging and galling. Encouraging to hear a success story of a wonderful, loving union between a family and it's newest member. Galling because it just makes our hearts ache to hold our new baby!!

We did hear from our caseworker today that there is a new situation. We haven't made the decision on whether to move ahead with this one yet. There are two things to consider. First, on Friday there will be a meeting that will determine the baby in FL's future. They have four families, and my understanding is that whoever is involved in his well-being will decide who the best candidate is and whether any family doesn't fit the bill. They won't decide where to place him yet, just basically make a list from best to worst. When we hear where we fall on that list, we will know better how to proceed with this new baby.

This new baby was born August 9th:) He has a deleted chromosome, so they are expecting him to be special needs, though what that special need might be, we have no idea. Even with this, the fee will be over the $20,000 mark and that may not include the placement fee! We are open to considering him besides that. He was a preemie, born at 33 weeks, but it sounds like so far he is doing great! Please pray that we would be able to make a wise decision regarding the funds. Unless we hear something this week about the two grants, we need to find out if we would be able to take out a loan. We also just found out that the financial aid that we requested for uncovered medical expenses (LuLu's pre-existing condition of nut allergies!!!) was denied, so that will factor into how well we can manage more debt. It would only be till we got the adoption tax credit, but that would not be till 2012 because of the 6 month waiting period till finalization. So we will really need to feel God's leading in this one, as the height of the fees make us hesitate.

So, you may see how, at this point, it's hard not to get caught up in the details, and not in excitement. Each situation that we have come across so far that we think "Hey, we can afford this one" has not worked out so far, so maybe the Lord has some really big miracles "up His sleeve." Adoption itself is a miracle and one thing I know, when I finally get to hold my child in my arms, I will be overwhelmed with love and thankfulness!

The Conclusion To This Chapter

The birth couple have made their decision and it is not us. They said they liked us but the other couple had family in Dallas (where they're from) so they chose them. I'm so glad we know, now we can go on vacation for a few days and just be distracted and enjoy one another! Thanks to all who prayed about this situation! Please continue to pray as we will be applying for more grants and finally shipping out our profile books! We have decided to try out working with an agency that has a $20,000 fee since we have received a matching grant from MICAH (we have held off doing that till now, we're not leaving our current agency). So look out, more fundraising to come! Our goal will be $2,000, if we can raise that then the grant will be fully matched!!

We are dissapointed, but we can't really be too sad, because we now know that this wasn't our baby. It may be the waiting baby in FL, it may be another child altogether!